How To Properly Exit The Metro, In Russian
Published: September 1, 2013 (Issue # 1775)
Following metro escalator etiquette is of high importance. Stand on the right or risk being bowled over by someone rushing past...or worse still, be shouted at.
Photo: Mikhail Shcherbakov / Wikimedia Commons
So, you made it to Russia and you are riding the metro. Congratulations!
The next thing you need to know is How To Properly Exit The Metro, In Russian.
One time I was Listening To The Radio, In Russian and they were reporting on America, confirming once again the deep infatuation this great land has with my homeland. "America," the announcer announced as part of his announcement, "is 80 percent illiterate." I was all ears now. "Because," the announcer announced,"80 percent of Americans cannot correctly read the bus schedules at bus stops." I was stumped, because this indeed is a truth that I also hold to be self-evident: That almost no Americans know how to ride public transport. Indeed, the first time I rode a city bus was when I turned 18. Although I did ride one of those yellow school buses (just like in the movies, my Russian friends) almost every day.
So, if you think proper instruction is a waste of time, I humbly inquire, how is the weather up there on your high horse? Because probably, if you think exiting the metro is a matter of a simple transition through some doors, then you have never Exited The Metro, In Russian, and are, with all respect, a foreigner.
Without further ado, How To Properly Exit The Metro, In Russian:
1) Timing: Nothing screams more loudly "I don't have a clue How To Properly Exit The Metro, In Russian!" than improper timing.
1a) Timing At Midnight Or 6 a.m. First, let's imagine together that perhaps the metro train car is not jam-packed. And perhaps you are riding and you feel the train slowing. If you jump out of your seat too early, and the train picks up speed again, and you stand there like the foreign oaf you are, staring at the closed door and the tunnel streaming by, the blood will come to your face. You have shamed yourself, your family, and your nation. Be cool like that. Wait for the train to actually enter the station, and then kind of meander to the door as it opens. Sauntering out of the metro is way cooler late at night. Much cooler than jumping your guns and standing in front of a closed door.
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